No Time to be Alone
by Bondchick
Summary: Slash. Hawkeye loses a patient and wants to be by himself. Rated M do not read if under 15. Please R+R. *COMPLETE* For now...
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own M*A*SH.  
  
A/N: I am not sure if I am going to keep going with this one or leave it here, it depends on the feedback.  
  
Hawkeye stormed out of the OR after the deluge of patients was finished. Angry as hell and desperate for a drink. He had one he whole night without losing a patient, but that last kid.  
  
Trapper John ran to catch up with him. "Hawk, wait a tick," he yelled to the departing figure of his friend. Hawkeye just kept walking. He reached the Swamp and sat on his cot, Trapper followed close behind. "There was nothing you could have done," he trailed off.  
  
"No, there was nothing else I could think to do. I must have missed something. In a place fit for people, I maybe could have saved him. If only this place weren't medically medieval."  
  
"You can't help that now, can you? You did the best you could under these crappy circumstances."  
  
Hawkeye laughed bitterly, "My best wasn't good enough, was it?" He poured himself a martini. He threw it back in one gulp, then started on his second.  
  
"You know that stuff will take the lining off your stomach."  
  
"So?"  
  
Trapper continued, "And your problems will still be there when you sober up. I know from bitter experience."  
  
Hawkeye got up to leave. Trapper pulled him down again. "This is no time to be alone," he said sternly. "As much as you don't want to, you'll just have to put up with me for a bit."  
  
Hawkeye glared at him. "Leave me alone."  
  
Trapper was determined, "No."  
  
Hawkeye gave in, "Fine, just don't expect me to be decent company."  
  
Trapper raised an eyebrow, "Hawk, you're never decent company." His only reply was a small hiccuping sound. He turned to face Hawkeye. There were silent tears streaming down his face. Trapper went over and put his arm over his shoulder, making quiet, soothing noises, as though comforting a small child. "It's okay Hawk, let it all out."  
  
Hawkeye started sobbing uncontrollably. He buried his face in his friend's chest. After a while the huge howls died down into tiny whimpers. In the end, Hawkeye cried himself to sleep. Trapper, realising that getting up would wake him, made himself as comfortable as possible, and tried to do the same.  
  
He had just fallen asleep when Frank Burns, fink extraordinaire, walked in. A look of horror passed over his face. "You perverts," he hissed his voice full of venom. He turned around and stormed off to get Henry and show him what Pierce and McIntyre were doing. The fact they weren't actually doing anything had escaped his notice.  
  
He went over to the CO's tent, "Colonel," he yelled out.  
  
Still half asleep, Henry said, "Lorraine, I think the dog wants to be let in."  
  
Frank considered this for a second, before storming in tot he small tent. "Colonel, I demand you come see what Pierce and McIntyre are doing."  
  
Now close to fully awake, Henry began to comprehend who was talking to him, "What the hell? Frank, I really don't care what Hawkeye and Trapper are doing."  
  
"But Colonel, it's, it's, it's illegal and perverted. I want them court martialled."  
  
It was snowing outside and Henry really didn't want to get out of bed, "Frank, can't you just pretend you didn't see whatever it was?"  
  
Ferret Face looked shocked at the very idea. "But sir, they're a pair of homosexuals."  
  
The last word finally woke Henry up completely, "WHAT?! Frank, that's a very serious accusation."  
  
"It's true."  
  
"Fine, show me what you wanted to show me." Henry got up slowly and threw on his robe. He and Frank headed over to the Swamp. They walked in to see Trapper's arm still around Hawkeye's shoulder. Henry turned to face Frank, "You got me up for this?"  
  
"But Colonel, they're asleep in the same cot, touching," Frank stammered.  
  
"So? That doesn't make them, you know."  
  
This woke Trapper, "Wha?" he asked sleepily.  
  
Frank shot him a death stare, "You animal."  
  
Now Trapper was just confused, he tried to think of something nasty he and Hawkeye might have done, but drew a blank. "Frank, what did we do this time?" he asked.  
  
Frank just looked horrified and stalked out of the Swamp. Trapper shot Henry a questioning look. Henry went and sat on the chair near Hawk's cot. "Frank walked in and saw you two like this, and assumed that, well, you know."  
  
"No, I don't know."  
  
"That you were playing for the other team."  
  
Trapper blushed, recalling some of the thoughts he had about his best friend. "Oh, that you know."  
  
Henry looked at him strangely, well, stranger than usual anyway, "Is there something I should know? No, even if there is, I don't want to know."  
  
Trapper got really indignant. "Henry, Hawkeye was upset about losing a kid he had tried so hard to save. I tried to comfort him and he cried himself to sleep. That's all, period."  
  
"Fine, I believe you. But if needs comforting again try to do it while Frank isn't here." Trapper glared at him, "OK, I get the hint. Leaving now." He got up and left, leaving Trapper alone with his thoughts.  
  
'Maybe I am.' he thought. He and Hawkeye were always together, and he did feel funny when he and Hawkeye touched. No, he couldn't be, he was happily married after all. Well, not so much happily married as just plain married but. "Oh God, what's happening to me?" he said to himself. He got up and gently tried to get his arm out from under Hawkeye. He woke him up in the process.  
  
"Wha? Where are you going? Come back."  
  
"Shhh, go back to sleep."  
  
"No." Hawkeye was confused, Trapper had been there comforting him, now he was leaving. "Please come back."  
  
"I can't do this," Trap whispered, his breathing becoming ragged.  
  
"Can't do what? Comfort a friend?"  
  
"No, I mean yes. I don't know." The anguish and confusion showed on his face. He knew he had feelings for Hawkeye, but he also knew that giving in to them would destroy them both. He sat down on the foot of Hawk's cot. He put his head in his hands, "God, when did life get so complicated?"  
  
It had started to dawn on Hawkeye what was going through Trapper's head, "What happened?" he asked gently.  
  
Trapper told him about Frank finding them and going to Henry. Henry asking them to be more careful. "This wasn't supposed to happen. I'm married, I'm not s'posed to find men attractive."  
  
"You think I'm attractive?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Me too."  
  
Trapper looked up at him, slightly shocked at this confession. "So this isn't just me?"  
  
"No," Hawk sat up and looked down, "I think about you a lot."  
  
"But you're such a womaniser."  
  
Hawkeye looked up at that, "So are you?"  
  
Trapper grinned, "Oh yeah, I am too," he said sheepishly.  
  
Hawkeye looked him in the eye, "Now what?"  
  
"I really don't know, let's start with this." He gave his friend a light kiss on the lips. It sent pleasant tingles running down his spine. He gave a slight shudder.  
  
Hawkeye smiled up at him, "It would be rude if I didn't return the favour." He kissed him back, harder this time.  
  
"Please stop," Trapper asked quietly.  
  
Hawkeye was starting to enjoy himself. "Why?" he asked teasingly.  
  
"Because if we go any further, I don't think I'll be able to. I don't want to make trouble for Henry, or for you, or for me for that matter."  
  
Hawkeye looked disappointed but knew it was for the best. "Okay, but only for now."  
  
Trapper smiled at him, "Only for now," he repeated. 


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Thank you to everyone who gave me feedback. It was appreciated beyond belief!  
  
Meanwhile, Frank stormed off in a blind rage. What those two degenerates were doing was beyond sick. He needed to vent, so he visited Margaret. He barged in, but Margaret, upon seeing his state, didn't bother to rebuke him. She put down the bleach she was using on her root and went into comfort mode. "What's the matter darling?"  
  
Frank was to enraged to put together a proper sentence. "Those. . .degenerates."  
  
"What've McIntyre and Pierce done now?"  
  
"They are breaking regulations."  
  
"How Frank?" Margaret was starting to get impatient.  
  
"I found them sleeping together."  
  
Margaret recoiled, "Surely your mistaken dearest?"  
  
"No, they were in the same cot."  
  
Margaret relaxed, "Frank, darling, that doesn't make them homosexuals."  
  
This was all too much for Frank. He knew what he had seen, but nobody wanted to believe him. Those two were a disgrace t America and to the medical profession, and it was up to Frank to set things right. He couldn't face going back to the Swamp and seeing those animals. He opted to go and sleep in the vacant VIP tent. As he lay there in the dark, trying to sleep, his mind drifted.  
  
He was back in his childhood room. There was a quiet knock on his door. Frank knew who it. He curled into the fetal position, praying they would go away. The door opened slowly and his father came in and sat on his bed. "Come here Franky," he cooed softly, his voice cold and filled with malice.  
  
Frank cowered, after all this time, still terrified and confused. Why did his father do this to him? Why him?  
  
The sound of choppers jolted Frank back to present. He got up, trembling, half expecting the spectre of his father in the tent with him. He tried to gather his wits and took off towards the chopper pads.  
  
Hawkeye and Trapper met Frank at the chopper pads. They knew better than to mention the events of the previous day. Even they had their limits over how much torture they could dish out.  
  
It was a reasonably small load of patients, only 14 hours of meat ball surgery. When it was finished though, they were beyond exhaustion. In the past 48 hours, they had done a 23 hour shift and this one. There had been a 3 hour break between the two, but for all the surgeons it had been a very busy three hours. Radar's voice came over the PA, "No more casualties expected for at least 48 hours. All surgical shifts, please stand down." Slowly but surely, everyone made his or her way to bed.  
  
After 10 hours of being all but comatose, Hawkeye and Trapper woke up. "Good morning doctor," Hawkeye greeted Trapper chirpily.  
  
"It's morning?" Trapper asked still adjusting to being awake.  
  
"Yup, 9 am to be exact."  
  
"What day?"  
  
"That I'm not to sure about."  
  
"Let's find out on the way to the Mess Tent. Even purple coffee and scrambled egg cartons sound good now."  
  
"Bet you won't be saying that when you see the supposed food."  
  
"You're probably right."  
  
"Where's Frank?"  
  
"Knock Before Entering?"  
  
"Probably." Hawkeye went over and sat next to Trapper, who was putting his boots on. He gave him a light kiss on the cheek. Trapper looked up and gave him that heart-melting grin.  
  
Trapper returned it with a light kiss on the lips. "Breakfast now, fun later."  
  
Hawkeye looked a little disappointed then felt a sharp hunger pain. "Good plan, shall we?" he asked bowing.  
  
"Thank you, kind sir, I think we shall."  
  
"Then I think we should have a picnic lunch."  
  
"Yes, in a nice quiet, secluded field."  
  
"This day just gets better." They made their way over to the Mess Tent, and got some World War 2 surplus porridge and World War 3 bananas.  
  
They sat with Henry, "Good morning o fearless leader. How are we this fine morning?"  
  
"Yeah, and where is your 5 foot shadow?"  
  
Henry just looked at them, "Fine, Radar's finishing up the tomorrows duty roster, he'll be here soon. How's Frank this morning?"  
  
Trapper looked serious, "We don't know. He didn't come home last night.  
  
Radar chose then to show up, "Good morning sirs."  
  
Hawkeye looked up from his so-called food. "Radar, do you talk to your mother with that mouth."  
  
Radar looked confused, "Yes sir. It's the only one I've got."  
  
"How many times do I have to tell you, I am not a sir."  
  
"Oh, sorry sir."  
  
Hawkeye rolled his eyes and went back to his food.  
  
After digesting as much of their meal as possible, Hawkeye and Trapper had to go on duty. A few miserable hours later they came off, feeling the pressure. "Methinks me needs a martini before our little outing," Hawkeye complained.  
  
"Is Radar scrounging some food for us?"  
  
"You wanted food?"  
  
Trapper handed him a martini, "Do you have a better suggestion?"  
  
Hawkeye grinned, "Maybe."  
  
"I think I like your idea better, but just get a little food, so we don't starve."  
  
"As you wish. I'll go ask Radar while prepare me the worlds driest martini."  
  
"Deal." 


	3. Chapter 3

While Hawk was away begging favours, Trapper reflected on what they were about to do. Up until now they been acting on instinct, but they were fast getting to the point of no return. This could stuff up the most important thing in Trapper's life, his friendship with Hawkeye. Did he really want to risk it?  
  
He remembered some advice given to him by his best friend in high school, Lauren. You can tell everything important in a relationship by how the kiss makes you feel. He thought back to the barely there kisses they had shared after Henry left, about the tingles and joy it had brought on. If that little pearl was anything to go, they had a beautiful future together.  
  
He fixed two martinis and sat back in the chair. Anticipation growing in his stomach, he smiled. This is exactly how he felt before his first date. The circumstances had changed but the joy and fear were still there.  
  
Hawkeye came back in, grinning triumphantly. "We have sandwiches."  
  
"What's on the sandwiches?"  
  
"I have no idea, I looked and looked and ended up with the ones that weren't looking back."  
  
"Good decision."  
  
"Hark, I hear the great outdoors calling."  
  
"Is that what that is?"  
  
"Let's go." They headed off, trying really hard not to touch each other.  
  
"What do you think you're doing?" Frank's nasal whine stopped them in their tracks.  
  
Trapper turned to face him, shocked to see real hatred in his eyes, "Nothing Frank."  
  
"What's in you bag then?"  
  
"None of your business."  
  
"Show me, I order you to show me." Frank edgier by the second.  
  
"Fine, here you go." Hawkeye passed the bag over to Frank. While Frank was looking through it, Hawkeye looked over to Trapper. His eyes widened, "What the hell are we going to do?" he mouthed.  
  
Trapper winked, "Just play along," he mouthed back.  
  
Frank stuck his head, looking remarkably like a ferret sniffing the air. "Why have you got gin and sandwiches?"  
  
Trapper had collected his thoughts. "Hawk's got a date."  
  
"Who with?"  
  
"We don't know yet. He hasn't asked anyone yet."  
  
Frank looked confused. Trapper elaborated, "We setting up the picnic ground, then he is going to invite the nurse straight there."  
  
This didn't help Frank in the slightest, "Why?"  
  
Trapper shot a pleading look to Hawkeye, who was convulsing with laughter at Trap's bizarre little story. He took several deep breaths, trying to settle himself enough to help Trap out. "Well Frank," he started, thinking quickly, "I have a bet with Trapper. He reckons the nurses will think I am too arrogant by just assuming they will say yes. I personally think they'd flattered."  
  
Trapper shot him a thumb's up behind Ferret Face. Frank looked unusually angry at not being able prove them wrong. He turned and walked away.  
  
Trapper and Hawkeye burst out laughing. They were on the ground with tears pouring down their faces. They quieted down, and then one would giggle and set them both right off again. After they had settled into a companionable silence, they talked about what had just happened. Hawkeye brought it up, "Trap that was a little to close for comfort."  
  
"Don't I know it. You realise now you will have to try that thing with the nurses now."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Did you Frank's eyes when he stopped us? I have never, ever seen that much hatred. I think he will follow this up."  
  
Hawkeye looked a little worried, "I did see the look. Any idea what was with that?"  
  
"Frank has always been homophobic, now he suspects that we are, well. I didn't think he hated them that much though."  
  
"He is a sick man." They turned and headed back to camp, realising their afternoon together was ruined. "Don't worry Trap, I am sure we can bribe Henry in to giving Frank some R&R. Leaving us in the Swamp, alone." He raised an eyebrow provocatively.  
  
"We'll need some good scotch."  
  
"We can do that. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to try and find a nurse to date."  
  
"Come back soon."  
  
"Buy yourself a drink, put it on my tab."  
  
Trapper sat in the Swamp, alone, again. Something would work out for them, eventually. He decided sitting by himself was probably not he best way to get over a failed date, so he wandered over to the Officer's Club. Klinger was serving and watching Henry sit in the corner trying to proposition a nurse. He was failing miserably. The nurse got up and stalked off, sending Trapper and Klinger into fits of laughter. Henry meandered over to the bar. "Klinger, I want," then muttered something incoherent.  
  
"Same again, your colonelness."  
  
"Got shot down huh?" Trapper asked Henry.  
  
"Shot down? Noooooo. She had to go wash her hair."  
  
"Sure Henry."  
  
Klinger returned with his drink. "Enjoy."  
  
Trapper made mindless small talk for a while, then got bored. He went back to the Swamp to make the most of this fleeting moment of peace. Trapper returned to see Hawkeye sprawled on his cot. Before Trapper could ask Hawkeye explained, "I think you won the bet," he said with a grin.  
  
"That's good, I love winning."  
  
"I got shot down by every nurse, I think I'm losing my touch."  
  
"I don't."  
  
Hawkeye smiled, "As long as you don't think so, I don't care."  
  
"Think we should go on that picnic now?"  
  
"Well it is dark, so Frank is probably with Hotlips. By George, I think we should do it." The duo walked out with their stale sandwiches. 


	4. Chapter 4

Frank wasn't with Hotlips. He was in VIP tent again. He knew that he had to go back to the Swamp eventually, but couldn't face it yet. After the way those animals had humiliated him this afternoon. He knew what they were up to, but he couldn't prove otherwise. But he'd get them for it. Frank had already started to formulate a plan to stop those two perverts before . . . He didn't know what he was expecting them to do, only that they must be stopped. Again his mind started to drift . . .  
  
"Daddy, stop. Please stop," Frank begged.  
  
"Shut up. If your mother finds out she'll be very angry. We don't want to make Mummy angry do we?"  
  
"No Daddy," Frank lay silent and unmoving, waiting for his father to finish.  
  
A knock on the door ended the nightmare. "Frank?" Margaret called gently.  
  
"Go away."  
  
"It's me."  
  
"I know. I said go away."  
  
Margaret opened the door, "Darling, what's wrong?"  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"Frank dear, you can tell me."  
  
"Go way."  
  
"Okay, I'll come back later though."  
  
"Don't bother."  
  
Frank rolled over and went back to planning how to stop McIntyre and Pierce. All of a sudden the abstract plan in the back of his mind blossomed. He knew what he was going to do, now he just had to figure out how and when he was going to do it.  
  
Meanwhile, Trapper and Hawkeye were having a great time. They lay spooned together on the blanket. Hawkeye thought about the number of nurses he had taken to this very spot. None of them seemed to matter now that he had Trapper. Since they had been stationed together, Hawkeye had longed to touch him and taste him, and now he was being given his chance. He spent the days looking at Trapper, and Trapper was always looking back.  
  
Trapper had always been less sure. Hawkeye had become a warm comforting presence, who was as much a part of him as his right leg. He had often felt things for Hawkeye but smothered them. He was still charading as a married man and being a loving father. They had been unconsciously drawn together, always seeking contact without meaning to. Squishing next to each other in the Mess Tent, leaning on each other, casually draping their arms around each other.  
  
They made the most of their privacy, exploring bodies, noting sensitive spots, getting to know each other on a whole knew level. Before they could get into anything to serious choppers interrupted them. Trapper rolled his eyes, "Yeah, 48 hours without casualties."  
  
"Come on Superman, we have work to do."  
  
"Just a tick Batman. I need to find my shirt."  
  
"You mean this," Hawkeye grinned, holding the offending shirt.  
  
"Yeah, that's it. Can I have it back now?"  
  
"It'll cost you 2 kisses."  
  
He gave him four. "Now I want 2 change."  
  
With one last cuddle they made themselves as respectable as they ever were and headed toward the camp. The duo arrived at camp to find that there were four patients for them. There were two lacerations that needed suturing, an appendectomy and a tonsillectomy. Hawkeye was disgusted, "We stopped for this?"  
  
"It would appear so."  
  
"Aren't there anymore serious cases?"  
  
"I hope not."  
  
"Me too."  
  
Trapper finished his patients first. "I'll wait for you in the Swamp." McIntyre slowly headed out of the OR. He was dawdling back to their tent when Radar cam up behind him. "Captain McIntyre, Colonel Blake told me to tell you that there is a conference tomorrow night and 2100 hours."  
  
"When is that in people time and who is coming?"  
  
"9 pm and Captain Pak and Major Freedman."  
  
"We'll be there." Trapper turned and continued on his merry way, eventually reaching the Swamp, where he collapsed on his cot.  
  
Hawkeye was about 10 minutes behind him. He arrived home to find Trapper half on, half off the cot with his boot on. Hawkeye pulled off the boots as gently as possible and the tried to pull his blanket out from under him. He gave up after a few minutes, instead moving his friend so all of him was on the bed. Hawkeye grabbed his own blanket and threw it over Trapper's sleeping form. He planted a gentle kiss on Trap's forehead and climbed onto his own cot, using his and Trapper's dressing gowns as blankets.  
  
Meanwhile, Frank was in the VIP tent, still working out the finer points of his plan. He would call them into the OR. . . . No, that wouldn't work, he would call them into the lab. Yes, that's the place. Then he would make the strip, then. . .  
  
There was a knock on his door, "Major Burns," Margaret called. "I really need to speak to you again." She came in and sat on the cot.  
  
"I have a headache Margaret," he said, using one of her favourite excuses.  
  
"Come on Frank, what's wrong?"  
  
"For the last time, nothing is wrong." There was an edge in his voice Margaret hadn't heard before.  
  
"Then why won't you talk to me?"  
  
"There's nothing to talk about," this time he was cold and clinical, sending a chill down Margaret's spine. "Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go to sleep."  
  
Margaret got up and left without kicking up a fuss. This was only a minor setback, Frank would get over whatever it was and everything would be back to normal. She went back to her tent and went to sleep.  
  
Frank stayed up a little while longer before he slipped into a deep slumber.  
  
Trapper woke with the sun. He looked over to Frank's bunk and saw it was empty, again. This was really starting to worry him. In every aspect Frank had been pulling further away from everyone, even Margaret. Trapper had noticed that they seemed to have hit a cold spot. Surely Frank would've gotten over it by now. He decided to talk to Hawkeye about it during the day. He'd know what to do, he always did.  
  
Hawkeye stirred over in his bunk. "Morning? Already?"  
  
"Uh-huh."  
  
Hawkeye groaned, "Those damn birds'll be starting in a minute."  
  
As if cued by his words the symphony of the morning started. Hawkeye groaned again then muttered something ending with an obscenity.  
  
"What was that Hawk?"  
  
"Nothing important, just expressing my bitter and cynical opinion."  
  
"Oh, is that all? As long as it's nothing too important. Ready for breakfast?"  
  
"Can't," he looked at his watch, "I'm going on duty 5 minutes ago."  
  
"Have fun. Try not drown in casualties."  
  
Hawkeye continued to grumble as he got dressed and left. Trapper blew a kiss to his departing figure. Hawkeye turned around and pulled a face. Trapper shot him a good-humoured grin and little wave, receiving the glimmer of a smile in return. 


	5. Chapter 5

Trapper got and made his way to the Mess Tent. He got something gray to eat and sat down with Radar. "Any wounded coming today?"  
  
"Good morning Trapper."  
  
"Oh yeah, morning Radar. Any wounded coming in today?"  
  
"I haven't heard anything, but that doesn't mean much."  
  
Henry and Margaret soon joined them. The conversation quickly turned to Frank. Trapper and Margaret were both really concerned about him. "His pulling further and further away Colonel," Margaret was fretting.  
  
"Yeah, he hasn't shouted at me for the past couple of days," Radar piped up .  
  
"He hasn't been back at the Swamp since the other night."  
  
Henry looked confused, "Then where's he been sleeping?"  
  
Margaret rolled her eyes, how could their commanding officer be ignorant but still be their commanding officer. "In the VIP tent sir."  
  
"But he isn't a VIP."  
  
Even Trapper was getting frustrated. "Henry have some coffee or something, I think your brain is still asleep."  
  
"Okay, okay. I'll have a word with him, maybe get Sidney to talk to him tonight. Do we have any idea why he's behaving like this?"  
  
Margaret spoke, "None."  
  
"It started the other night so there's obviously something there. . ."  
  
Margaret turned to Trapper, "What exactly happened?"  
  
"Hawk lost a kid and was upset. I consoled him. He cried himself to sleep and I didn't want to wake him," Trapper was a little irate.  
  
"Just asking, no need to throw a hissy fit."  
  
"Sorry, I didn't mean to jump all over you like that. Henry isn't the only one who needs coffee." Trapper smiled guiltily.  
  
"Try not to let it happen again Captain," Margaret turned and left.  
  
"Henry, I am really worried about Frank."  
  
"I promise I'll do something."  
  
"A real something?"  
  
"What else would I do?"  
  
Trapper just rolled his eyes. "What times the conference tonight? I forgot."  
  
"9 pm. Are you ready to lose?"  
  
"Aren't I always?"  
  
"Well, yeah."  
  
"Now if you'll excuse me, I have rounds to do. Make sure you do something about Frank. See ya Radar."  
  
"Bye, Captain McIntyre."  
  
"I will Trapper, I promise."  
  
Trapper and Hawkeye did their rounds and duties and met in the Mess Tent again for lunch. Hawkeye was much brighter than he had been that morning, especially after Trapper informed him about the poker game that evening. "Hehe, another chance to take your money."  
  
"You do seem to have a talent for it."  
  
"No, you just have a talent for losing it."  
  
"I'm no that bad."  
  
"Yes you are, remember when the four leaf clover gave you a rash."  
  
"It wasn't the clover that gave me the rash, I had a reaction to, uh, something else."  
  
"Sure, that's what it was," Hawkeye winked at him, "Between you and Henry, I am going to be rich, rich I tell you."  
  
"Oh, shut up and eat your glop."  
  
"What are your plans for this arvo?"  
  
"Drinking something extremely alcoholic and more rounds."  
  
"I like the first bit."  
  
"Me too. What about you?"  
  
"Rounds and drinking and clearing some space to keep my winnings tonight."  
  
"You sir are impossible."  
  
"Yup, I practice everyday."  
  
"Good grief."  
  
They finished their meals in a companionable silence, each getting lost in his own thoughts. Trapper started thinking about Frank, again. This was turning into a nasty habit.  
  
The afternoon drifted by. The surgeons didn't see get a chance to talk again until 8 pm. They lay holding each other on Hawkeye's cot, talking quietly. They started to kiss, but Hawkeye soon put stop to it. "The other's will be coming soon. We get busted; we get kicked out and disgraced. I don't think either of us really wants that to happen."  
  
"I don't mind the kicked out part so much as the disgraced bit."  
  
Hawkeye continued, "And banned from practicing medicine. You wouldn't be able to see your kids."  
  
"Shhhh, we'll just be careful not to get caught."  
  
The time passed quickly. At about 8.45, they started getting ready. By the time Henry and Sidney showed up at 8.55 they were up and ready for some serious poker. The game got under way when Sam showed up 10 minutes late. At some stage Klinger and Father Mulcahy came in and decided to try their luck. Radar brought some sandwiches and decided he wanted to play as well.  
  
It was getting late when Pierce and McIntyre were called to the lab. "Finally, a chance to take a break from losing," Trapper said.  
  
Sidney, who was cleaning up replied, "I'll miss you."  
  
"Only because you got $70 from me tonight."  
  
"I'm sure that factors into it somewhere."  
  
Trapper and Hawkeye headed over to the lab to find out what they had been pulled away from their conference for. They walked in to find it in darkness. The door shut behind them. They groped for each other in the darkness, each grabbing the closest bit. A voice came from the darkness, "Well well well. What do we have here?"  
  
Trapper asked shakily, "Is that you Frank? Could you please turn on the light?"  
  
"Shut up McIntyre."  
  
When the light came on, Frank was standing in the doorway, pointing a pistol at them. "Not so high and mighty now are we?"  
  
Hawkeye tried to negotiate, "Frank, what's wrong? Maybe we can fix it."  
  
"You're what's wrong, you and your kind."  
  
"What kind is that?"  
  
"Homosexuals."  
  
Trapper said, sounding infinitely stronger than he felt, "Frank, we are NOT homosexuals."  
  
"Don't lie to me."  
  
Hawkeye asked gently, "What if we were? Why is that such a bad thing?" Trapper elbowed him.  
  
"They hurt people. They do perverted and unnatural things to people."  
  
Trapper got the impression they were not talking about the same homosexuals anymore. "What have they done to you?"  
  
"That's none of your bees wax. It's just sick." Already Frank's mind was starting to drift to his room again. He shook his head, now was not the time. He waved his gun, "Strip."  
  
"What?!" Hawkeye exclaimed.  
  
"You heard me."  
  
Trapper and Hawkeye shared look of terror as they slowly removed their clothes. Trapper was almost begging, "Why Frank, why?"  
  
But Frank was not there, in his mind he was in his room and he was pointing the gun at his father. "You hurt me," he sobbed, "You have to pay."  
  
"Frank, we're sorry. We promise we won't do anything else to you, ever."  
  
"You are a disgrace to everything. I was just a kid," Frank wailed.  
  
Hawkeye and Trapper were slowly piecing together what was happening. It dawned on Trapper, "Holy f***."  
  
The realisation hit Hawk at almost the same time, "Poor Frank," he whispered, "No one should ever, have to go through that, ever!"  
  
Hawkeye asked him quietly, "Who is hurting you Frank?"  
  
"Dad was, but not anymore, never again." He re-entered the present. "Now it's time to stop you, you degenerates."  
  
By this stage they had been gone for about 45 minutes and everyone was getting impatient. Henry decided it was time to go investigate.  
  
Trapper whispered, "Frank, no. Your father was a sick evil man, don't be like him."  
  
"How dare you compare us! I will never be like him!"  
  
He aimed the gun at Hawkeye's head, "You won't be perverting anyone ever again." As he cocked the gun, the door swung open. 


	6. Chapter 6

"What the hell is going on in here?" Henry blustered.  
  
Frank turned his eyes wild. Out of pure reflex he fired, nailing Henry in the chest. Henry fell to the ground. Hawkeye sprinted over to Frank, grabbing the arm with the gun, trying desperately to get the gun away. Trapper dashed to Henry, "Can you hear me?"  
  
"Trap, tell my family I love them more than anything in the whole world. Look after Radar for me."  
  
"Do it your self." Trapper started applying pressure to the wound.  
  
Hawkeye finally managed to wrench the gun out of Frank's grip. Frank collapsed on the ground sobbing. By this stage the entire camp had gathered, someone had a stretcher. Hawkeye and Trapper gently lifted Henry onto it and rushed him to Pre-Op, leaving Sidney, Margaret and the MP's to deal with Frank. Radar grabbed their clothes and followed. The surgeons threw on they're scrubs as fast as possible before scrubbing up. Hawkeye kept repeating, "Oh God, not Henry."  
  
Trapper didn't say anything, focussing entirely on what they were about to do. Hotlips and Nurse Able joined them. It wasn't until they got into the OR that they spoke to each other. Trapper looked at Hawkeye and saw his hands were shaking. "Hawk, are you gunna be alright. We can get Sidney to assist me, and you walk me through."  
  
"No, can't leave Henry. I am the best cutter here."  
  
"Not if you're shaking you're not." Trapper was almost yelling. Henry was brought in and placed on the table before them. That silenced them both, it seemed surreal. Hawkeye went instantly into surgeon mode, the ultimate professional. "Scalpel."  
  
They were up to their elbows in Henry for 6 hours. When they finally emerged it was dawn. Trapper looked at Hawkeye, relief etched on his face, "We did it."  
  
Hawkeye was to exhausted to care. Radar, who had watched the entire operation through the door, grabbed a wheel chair. Hawkeye sat down, to tired to walk back to the Swamp. On the way he peppered Trapper with questions about Henry. Trapper explained as simply as he could what damage Frank had done and what they and done to fix it. "Radar, he's going to be okay. Henry is stronger than he looks."  
  
"I know. But, but it was so scary watching you guys. I thought I was going to lose him, the only Dad I've ever known."  
  
"Speaking of Dad's, how's Frank?"  
  
"His being held in the VIP tent until we know what's going to happen."  
  
"The poor guy."  
  
Radar arked up, "The poor guy, THE POOR GUY! He shot Henry for heck's sake."  
  
Trapper just smiled a sad smile. "You don't know the half of it."  
  
They reached the Swamp. Trapper woke Hawkeye gently, "Come on, come to bed."  
  
Hawkeye stirred. Trapper pulled him up and walked him to his cot. He tucked him in. Radar turned and left. Trapper gently stroked Hawk's cheek, "Good night."  
  
He walked over to his cot and was asleep before his head hit the pillow.  
  
It was lunchtime before Hawkeye woke. He sat up and looked around as the events from the previous night filled his head. Frank, his father, the gun, Henry. Oh God, Henry. As he got up and threw on his robe Trapper woke. Trapper was still tired, his sleep had been broken, haunted by nightmares. In silence he got up and went with Hawkeye to Post-Op to check in on Henry.  
  
When they saw their CO they stopped dead. He was pale and lifeless, a mere shadow of Dr Henry Blake. Hawkeye reached for the chart. "How is he?" Trapper asked, the worry clear in his voice.  
  
"He hasn't fallen back anywhere."  
  
"But he hasn't gotten any better either?"  
  
"No."  
  
Trapper monaed softly, "This is our fault."  
  
Hawkeye voice was void of emotion, "No, it's Frank's father's fault."  
  
"Poor Frank."  
  
"I know." An uncomfortable silence filled the air.  
  
Radar entered the room, he was like an old man.  
  
Hawkeye was filled with concern for the young corporal, "Radar, have you slept?"  
  
"No sir," he mumbled, "I've been in here with Henry, I just needed the latrine."  
  
"Radar, you need to sleep. You'll make yourself sick otherwise. That won't help Henry."  
  
"But it's Henry." He was to tired to speak above a mumble.  
  
"Radar, go to bed. That's an order," Hawkeye knew this would be the only way to get Radar away from Henry. He relented slightly, "Look, the bed next to him is free, sleep there."  
  
"Yessir." Radar crawled into the bed and was asleep almost instantly.  
  
Trapper watched him for a moment, "The poor kid."  
  
The PA sounded, "Would doctors Pierce and McIntyre report to the Mess Tent for questioning."  
  
Hawkeye just stood staring at Henry. Trapper grabbed his arm and gently led him away. When they got there Sidney and some army brass were waiting for them. "Hi Hawkeye, Trapper. This is Colonel Banks and this is Major Carrick."  
  
"Good afternoon, Sidney," Trapper said, "Now where are these guys from?"  
  
Colonel Banks looked stern, "That doesn't really matter son, now does it?"  
  
Trapper narrowed his eyes, "Apparently not."  
  
The Major spoke up, "In your own words, what happened last night?"  
  
Trapper sat down and sighed heavily. "I don't remember all of it. Most, but not all," he warned. "We were playing poker, and Dr Pierce and myself got called to the lab. When we got there it was dark. When Frank turned the light on he had the gun pointing at us. He accused us of being homosexuals. Henry showed up and Frank turned to see who it was. He fired out of reflex."  
  
"Now why would Major Burns think you were homosexuals?"  
  
Trapper looked to Hawkeye, but he was staring into space, his mind somewhere far away, so he continued, "The other night, I was comforting Dr Pierce and he fell asleep, rather than wake him, I made myself as comfortable as possible and did the same. Frank walked in and assumed the worst."  
  
Colonel Banks looked rather shocked, "Why wasn't the incident reported?"  
  
Trapper was barely keeping control of his temper, "Because there was no freaking incident," he said through gritted teeth.  
  
Sidney intertupted, "Calm down Trap. Hawkeye, why were you so upset?"  
  
He got no response. "Trapper, why was Hawkeye so upset?"  
  
"A huge shift. He had saved them all up until the last kid. . . He tried everything, absolutely everything, but he lost him."  
  
Major Carrick spoke up, "Back to last night, hy didn't you have any clothes on?"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Trap, when everyone got there you and Hawkeye were naked. He was trying to get the gun, you were helping Henry."  
  
"Really? I don't remember. I don't remember much after Henry got shot."  
  
"Why did Major Burns have such a problem with gay men?" the Major asked.  
  
Trapper looked down at the table and muttered something. Colonel Banks was losing patience fast, "Speak up."  
  
"Look, he was abused as a kid. His dad. . ." he trailed off.  
  
Even Sidney looked shocked, "The poor guy."  
  
"Look, can I go now? I need sleep and I need it soon."  
  
Major Carrick took pity on them, "Yes, but you'll be required again sometime today."  
  
"Fine, I just need to sleep." 


	7. Chapter 7

Trapper managed to snag a few more hours of sleep. At sixish, Radar came tearing into the Swamp, "HE'SAWAKEHE'SAWAKEHE'SAWAKE."  
  
Hawkeye was up on his feet in an instant, he grabbed his robe and ran, with Trapper and Radar following close on his heels. When they got there, Henry was propped up on his pillow, trying to look around. His eyes lit up when he saw the duo. He broke into a huge goofy grin. "How am I?"  
  
Hawkeye smiled, "Beautiful Henry, you're beautiful."  
  
"I meant medically, you dodo."  
  
"Well, you're not going backwards, and you're awake, so all in all, I think you're doing pretty bloody well!"  
  
"Are you both okay?"  
  
"We are a lot better now you're awake," Trapper said.  
  
"What's happening? With Frank I mean. For that matter, what happened?"  
  
"It's a long story, for both of them," Trapper sighed.  
  
"That's okay, I need a bedtime story."  
  
Trapper could not recount it all again, so he sat back and let Hawkeye tell him. Hawkeye remember everything clearly, filling in all the blanks in Trapper's mind. When Hawkeye explained why Frank did it Henry and Radar looked shocked. "So that's why. . ."  
  
Hawkeye just nodded, "He went through more than anyone should ever have to go through. I really want to blame him for this but I can't. I do blame his father though."  
  
Henry recovered from the news, "I sure as hell don't blame him, not after that."  
  
The surgeons where called back to the Mess Tent. Hawkeye looked blankly at Trapper. Trapper sighed, "We were there earlier, I explained everything I could remember, and you were in to much shock to do anything."  
  
"I don't remember anything after closing on Henry."  
  
"Well get ready. There'll be Sidney, Major someone and Colonel Banks. Banks is regular army and a real jackass. The other one seems harmless enough."  
  
They were grilled within in an inch of their lives. It was 2 ½ hours before they were allowed to go.  
  
Meanwhile, Frank was in the VIP tent alone. He was curled up in a ball, rocking. His mind devoid of all thoughts except the pain inside him. It was all encompassing, leaving no room for anything else in Frank's head. All he knew was he hurt and he wanted not to. Through the darkness an idea emerged. He would stop the pain tonight, right now. He stood up and removed his belt. . .  
  
Back at the Swamp, Hawkeye poured to glasses of leftover moonshine. He took a sip, "Ahhh, finest kind."  
  
Trapper tried his, "Mother's milk." He sat down in his chair.  
  
Hawkeye sat on the floor next to him a lay his head on Trap's lap. Trapper absentmindedly ran his fingers through the dark silky hair. "What do you think will happen to Frank?" Hawkeye asked.  
  
"If there is any justice he will get psychiatric help. But knowing the Army, he'll get thrown in the stockade."  
  
"It's just not fair, is it? He suffered so much already."  
  
"Kinda makes you feel guilty about how rotten we were to him?"  
  
"Yeah." They drifted into silence, drinking their gin.  
  
That's how they fell asleep. That's also how they were when Radar woke them. He looked at them strangely but did not say anything about it. "What do you want Radar?" Hawkeye said, stifling yawn.  
  
Radar looked at his feet, "Major Burns committed suicide in the VIP tent last night."  
  
This jerked the Hawkeye and Trapper into reality. "How?" Trapper asked quietly.  
  
"He hung himself with his belt." Tears slid down Radar's face.  
  
Trap and Hawk just looked at each other, neither able to comprehend what Radar was saying. "Do Hot, I mean, Margaret and Henry know?" Hawkeye asked.  
  
"Yes sir. You and Captain McIntyre were the last people to know." Radar reverted to strictly GI to keep himself together. The doctors got up slowly, still in their robes from last night. Trapper asked wearily, "Where is everyone?"  
  
"In post-op sir."  
  
"Come on Hawk. You too Radar."  
  
There was a silence in the camp. No birds sang, no insects chirped, no shells, no helicopters, not even any people sounds. They arrived in post- op. Here there was noise, people crying, talking quietly. The first person they came across was Hotlips. Without a word, Trapper opened his arms, and she flew in, sobbing into his chest. He wanted to comfort her but couldn't find the words. Hawkeye kept going, making beeline for Henry's bed. But before they had a chance to even speak, Radar yelled, "Choppers, it's a big one."  
  
Hawkeye turned and bolted, yelling at Radar as they passed, "Get on the phone, we need another surgeon."  
  
Radar was already on his way. Trapper tried to shake Margaret off as he headed over the Henry's office, where Sidney was doing grief counseling. "Ready to scrub up?"  
  
They headed off to the get ready for the flood of kids that would be coming through. 


	8. Chapter 8

"Do you think they'd miss us if we went home?" Trapper asked, trying to lighten the mood in the OR.  
  
"Trapper, shut up, I'm up to my neck in this kid's lung," Hawkeye snapped.  
  
"Fine."  
  
This set the tone for the rest of the huge shift, tense, uncomfortable and depressing. When it finally ended Hawkeye said, "I need a drink."  
  
Trapper smiled wryly, "Now that's a good idea, care to join us Sidney?"  
  
Sidney was exhausted, "I don't know how you guys do that. A massive shift like that and you still have the energy to drink."  
  
"It's not a matter of simply having the energy, after a shift like that, a drink has become necessity if we want to sleep. Especially when you consider the past couple of days," Hawkeye explained.  
  
Sidney yawned, "To tired for psycho babble, night."  
  
"Good night or morning or whatever it is."  
  
Hawkeye and Trapper went back to the Swamp. "I need a drink," Hawkeye repeated.  
  
"Is that all you ever think about?"  
  
"No. . .maybe. . .most of the time."  
  
Trapper rolled his eyes, "It doesn't fix anything."  
  
"I know, but it makes it go away for a bit. It makes the hurt and fear blur and dissolve."  
  
"There are other ways of doing that."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Making the pain stop. You could try opening up about it instead of trying to drown it. I'm here, you don't have to be strong or drunk all the time."  
  
"The words pot, kettle and black come to mind."  
  
"Good point."  
  
"How about alcohol now and opening up in the morning?"  
  
Trapper lay down on his cot, "Works for me."  
  
Hawkeye lay down with him, "I'm sorry I snapped at you in the OR."  
  
"That's okay," Trapper said. He planted kiss on Hawkeye's head. Hawkeye got up again and got two drinks, "Here you go."  
  
"Why thank you."  
  
Hawkeye lay back down, "Why do you think Frank did it?"  
  
"It was a way out, a way of making the pain go away."  
  
"I still can't believe it. Ferret face, the one we loved to torment, gone. After everything he went through, he died by himself. That doesn't seem fair."  
  
"It isn't," Trapper said simply.  
  
"Maybe if we hadn't been so awful to him. . ."  
  
"I don't think this is our fault per se."  
  
"No you're right, it isn't. We both know whose fault it is."  
  
"God, how do you live with something like that?"  
  
"You don't unless you get help. Look what happened to Frank, it ate him inside, he became a shell not a person."  
  
The only response was a soft snore. Hawkeye finished his drink and climbed into his own cot.  
  
They woke up the next morning and headed for the Mess Tent.  
  
The PA sounded, "The 4077th bids a reluctant farewell to Major Frank Burns. You will be sorely missed. A memorial service will be held at 1100 hours in the Mess Tent."  
  
The morning was a blur, until the service. The entire camp gathered to bid farewell for their fallen comrade. Radar arrived, pushing Henry in a wheel chair. Despite how intensely everyone disliked him, they all found at least one positive thing to say about him, especially now everyone knew about his child hood.  
  
Weeks passed, the horror of the events became less vivid. Margaret had a slight break down and was transferred to the 8063rd and Henry was making a steady recovery. Hawkeye and Trapper were in the Swamp alone; they still hadn't been able to get a replacement surgeon. Conversation drifted back to the fateful night. They were lying on Hawkeye's bunk. "I was so terrified," Trapper said.  
  
"I was too, but not for me," Hawkeye admitted.  
  
"Why not? I was terrified for both of us."  
  
"When I go home, all I've got is my Dad, but you, you have a family, you have daughters. They can't grow up without a Daddy."  
  
"Hawkeye, I love you, but you're insane. When you go home you'll have the world at your feet. You'll find someone you love, settle down and lead the beautiful life you deserve."  
  
"I have already found someone I love."  
  
"But this won't transfer over into the real world. It can't."  
  
"I know, but I still love you. Even if after Korea I never see you again, I'll have this."  
  
"We were always going to be forever. . ." he trailed off, planting gentle kisses along Hawk's jaw.  
  
"Mmmm, as friends or lovers, we are forever. We'll probably never see each other after the war, but I'll know I had you, even if for only a short time. It's still more than a lot of people get," Hawkeye moaned softly as Trapper went to work on his neck.  
  
Trapper looked up, "If all we have is now, I intend to make the most of it."  
  
  
  
A/N: On that note, I think it's finished! There is a very slim chance I will do a bit more on it, but at this stage. . .I just finished my second fan fiction! Thank you to everyone, who gave me feedback, I love each and every one of you. You know, when I started this was just going to be a piece of slashy fluff, boy did that change. 


End file.
